Share the Sacrifice

If you're a close follower, you've noticed I haven't posted too much since our miscarriage. I have been in a battle with myself. A battle against negativity... a battle against depression and thoughts of worthlessness and sorrow and guilt. Thoughts that you know aren't true but you feel them sometimes anyways. This has not been an every day battle, this has been a "kick you when you don't expect it", "trip you when you're looking up kind" of battle. Overall I would say I was doing well with this... but for some reason the last few days have been hard. Part of this may be due to the fact that I had my first period since our D&C (surgery to remove our miscarried babies). Part of this may be due to the fact that several people have made pregnancy and gender announcements... people that I love and care for and am so very happy for (people that know the pain of loss and people that know the pain of infertility). The happiness for them is genuine, they are in my constant prayers. But it leaves a twinge of selfish pain behind. The sorrow of our own children not being with us. The sorrow of not being able to have a shower or a gender reveal... the sorrow of having to start over.

So these thoughts... they would pop in my head mostly when my mind went unoccupied by other things. For instance, I was vacuuming and thinking about the blog, how I should write something... then I began to wonder, does it really even matter? How would putting my pain into words benefit the world? Do I really have to keep doing this? Then I began to talk to God... God, do I really have to keep doing this? You know I didn't want to do it to begin with, and although it was fun when we had good news to share... do I really have to tell them these things? Do I have to share my pain? Can't I just dwell in it and hide in my bed and cry it out like normal people??... The answer was a resounding YES you have to keep doing this, was I not the one who told you to?? And in my head it sounded like Do you really have the nerve to not follow what I called you to do? So I (sullenly) wrote out The Letdown even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Obviously I haven't been writing as much as I should, and I think God has shown me some grace in that area, letting me work a few things out before I was mentally ready to resume the routine. So here I am. Back into the world of the living. Life has just seemed so hard lately. I feel like so many bad things have happened over the years in my personal life and in the lives around me, I just would find myself asking, when is it all going to end already? Can't I just catch a break? Yeah, a lot of these prayers were selfish. A lot of irritation was taken out on my poor, and forgiving, husband. My first period was wretched, so very painful. The doctor said that is basically normal for a cycle after a D&C, so I knew to expect it... but nothing really prepares you to be in pain. So I became snappy and sad and depressed.

Then today happened.

Today was not a great day. I was mulling over the fact that I have to have a repeat sonohystogram (see An Interesting Case for explanation) (to see if maybe I really DO have more of a septum in my uterus and may need surgery to remove it) on Thursday and a repeat of a ton of lab work that I have to be fasting for and won't be drawn until that afternoon. On top of those things, I hurt my neck this weekend and have had a horrible headache and pain shooting through my neck... and did not sleep well last night after going to bed later than normal for a Monday night. I was so moody. There was not enough coffee in the world to make me happy this morning. The work day was fine, until the end of the day. It is always the end of the day when doctors want to work people in for tests, and I get it, the patient is there so yeah let's just do it. I stayed late knowing I will be taking off a couple of hours early on Thursday for my testing... so that part didn't bother me, it's just that my neck was hurting so bad. And all of the patients actually had things wrong with them so the reports took longer to write and consulting with the doctors... and so on. Luckily, I work at the same office as my nurse practitioner and she was able to work me up and get some help (thank you Lord for that).

After a long drive home in traffic and waiting what felt like forever at Walgreens (but was really only about 15 minutes) I was so so so relieved to be home. As I pull into the driveway I see a package on my doorstep... then I began thinking (ugh what did we spend money on that we shouldn't have)... I picked it up, came in the house to let the doggies outside and then noticed the return address. My friend. It was a gift from my friend. A smile immediately arose out of my frustration.

Then I opened the package.

Then I read the letter.

I began to cry.

Then I saw the gifts. ( A book called Footprints, A book called You Changed My Life by Max Lucado... and the elusive darkside skittles, where lime skittles have now made their home) : )

And I cried some more.

This person (who shall remain nameless for theirs is not my story to tell) has become a dear friend to me over the last few months, we have gone through our battle through infertility and miscarriage (her first) almost hand in hand. We were only a few days apart on our schedule and, unfortunately, on our losses as well.

I know she will be reading this and I want to say: You have no idea but those words validated everything I have needed to hear and squashed all of my doubts about sharing our story. You, my dear friend, are an answered prayer to me just as you said that I was for you. She shared with me how sharing our story, our struggle, touched her and caused her to focus more on her faith. I read the letter through the tears in my eyes, I couldn't believe the words. The words written in front of me that I so desperately needed to hear. It's likely, my dear friend, that I will read your letter a thousand times... and thank you and God each time.

Sharing the intimate details of your life to the world is a sacrifice. It makes you vulnerable... it shows your weaknesses... your faults. Part of our human nature is to guard our experiences (at least the bad ones) and keep them to ourselves, to not let the world know we are not feeling 'okay'.

So, my dear friends, I encourage you to share your stories... your pain, your sacrifices... if it helps only one person, doesn't that make telling your story worth the pain of it?

As I re-read her letter something came into my thoughts, a fleeting thought that I have had before but brushed off, unable to fully acknowledge it. If I hadn't miscarried these babies when I had, would I have been able to walk with her through her loss as I did? Would I have been as sensitive? Would I have been as helpful? I would like to think I would have been but there is nothing quite like walking through sorrow and loss together. If the reason for this timing was so that my dear friend did not have to be alone, I am okay with that. Maybe that isn't the reason, but it was an opportunity for God to use me, if I was willing, to help. I am grateful for anything that made her hurt less... or that made the load a little easier to carry. As she was facing her own realities (at a time when I was still facing mine) I felt so sad for her. I didn't want this for her. I wanted to be able to take all of her pain away, but I knew I couldn't. So, I did what I was able. I was there for her... and she's been there for me too. Now we are bonded not only by our pain but by our faith in a loving and merciful God. A God who makes it clear that He can use every situation for good.

 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 

How beautifully amazing is that? God's words... coming to pass just as He said. I was called to share my story, that is my sacrifice... being vulnerable, putting my heart out there for the world to examine and judge and react however they see fit... just in the hopes that it would help one person. I know that it has. I pray that it continues to help others as well. I am thankful once again for those that reached out to me during our first loss when I didn't know how to deal with it (Thank you again and again, you know who you are).

 

God made the ultimate sacrifice for us, giving His Son to die on the cross so that we may live. We are forgiven... we are loved beyond measure. That is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. That is the most amazing gift that I have ever received. So, shouldn't we be more willing to sacrifice to help those around us when we can?

 

So today I pray... a prayer of thanks for my dear friend and her kind words that came at a time that I exactly needed... a prayer of forgiveness for any time that I doubt God's callings and timing... and a prayer for strength, that as I continue this journey I keep my eyes on the only One who leads me on a straight and narrow path (no matter how curvy it may feel at times.) Thank you Lord for these blessings.

 



Witnessing a Miracle

How many times in your life do you realize that you are witnessing a miracle as it is happening? Often times it is realized after we looked back... we don't even know it is happening, often it is too hard to see the big picture as you are living through the difficulty.

My friends.... we are living through a time of miracles. And you all are our witnesses.

When we went through our injection training, Mike asked the nurse how many good mature eggs was our doctor hoping to retrieve from me. Her answer? 8. His hope for us, to give us a good chance of success... with everything that is "wrong" with my ovaries... their answer was 8 good healthy mature eggs.

Yesterday was our retrieval. I didn't feel nervous, although my heart rate of 115 gave me away... honestly I felt excited. Most importantly, I felt in peace. We didn't speak much on our way to the surgery center. I spent the entire time, in my head, in prayer. I prayed for peace and I immediately felt it. I felt all of your prayers being lifted up for us. My mother met us there... and I was ready to go! I was still hurting from my full ovaries but I knew that was a good sign that they were so full.

The nurses of East Memphis Surgery Center were amazing. Everyone went out of their way to be nice and encouraging. Everyone we met was great, the anesthesia doctor and nurse, the pre and post op nurses... and our new doctor. Our regular doctor had a very valid reason for being out of town... his daughter was graduating college. HELLO of course he had to be there! Dr. Brezina would be our doctor for this procedure and possibly for our transfer depending on the date. I know people who see him so this change in plans did not worry me at all. He was well up to date on our case. He was kind and open... just what you want from someone who is about to do a surgical procedure on me. He told us the ins and outs one more time, the risks (of course) and made us feel completely comfortable. As we walked to the surgery room and I said goodbye to my husband and my mother... he even laughed at my silly joke to my husband... He was off to give his sample upstairs, to which I replied "Do me proud Mister." The doctor burst into laughter and I immediately liked him even more for thinking I was funny. ; )

I remember being strapped down to the table (just my legs, it was not uncomfortable). I remember an oxygen mask being put on my face... and I remember the nurse anesthetist saying "this may burn a little." It did not... and I was out. I felt nothing from the procedure, I don't even remember them moving me from the surgical table to the recovery stretcher. Next thing I knew, I was just awake. I felt like I had a really good night's sleep... but I was VERY sore and VERY thirsty. I downed the glass of ginger ale they gave me in about 20 seconds. I was given some pain meds after asking about my pain level. Dr. Brezina came around the corner next smiling from ear to ear... I knew this had to be good. "We got 30 eggs," he said. Wait... what?? 30?!? "These are amazing results," he said. I'll say they are.

Keep in mind that on Tuesday we had 25 good sized follicles... and it goes like this... Not all follicles contain an egg... not all eggs will be mature... not all mature eggs will fertilize and not all fertilized eggs will mature. Keep this in mind from here on out. I wonder how many follicles matured in the day and a half before our surgery! Amazing, amazing results... based solely on God's blessing and power. I think he likes showing off sometimes. ; )

My mother and husband were given my discharge instructions. From there Mom took me home to babysit me and hubby went to work. She made one of my favorite meals... eating was thankfully not a problem. I was comfortable when I got home, slept in bed for a while. Mom went to get my pain meds. I woke up starving while she was gone and moved to the couch. I ate and passed out about 5 minutes afterwards. I slept for hours but was unfortunately awoken in bad pain. We had inadvertently let the medicine wear off. It wasn't too bad if I laid still with a heating pad. Really the worst part is moving around or going to the bathroom. The filling and emptying of my bladder moves my ovaries around, so it's a before and after pain. The bleeding hasn't been too bad, it gets less and less as time goes by... exactly as it is supposed to.

Last night wasn't too great. I'm so overly emotional. I don't know if it is the hormones or withdrawals from all the shots or the discomfort... or if the emotional impact of all of this is catching up with me. I'm crying a lot. But all in all I feel okay... just that my body is going crazy lol. I take that as a natural response. The doctor says my level of pain is not abnormal, due to the fact that "he stabbed my ovary over 30 times". His words...

I have read and re-read all of the retrieval letters that were given in our basket of love from our friends. The love you guys have for us is just overwhelming.

Now for the news you all are waiting on. I spoke to the embryologist this morning.

Out of the 30 eggs that were retrieved, 22 were mature enough to use.

Out of the 22 eggs that were mature enough to use, 21 fertilized!

Now, keep in mind, not all fertilized eggs will keep growing and developing into embryos...

All we can do, and all we ask of you, is to keep praying. This is the power of prayer! This is a time for miracles. Watch it unfold before your eyes as we are!

Praising God continually! To God ALONE be the glory!

.... for now... I'm going back to bed. : )

We love you all!

We should hear more tomorrow from the embryologist, they will decide whether to do a 3 day transfer (on Sunday)  or a 5 day transfer (on Tuesday). Today is counted as day 1. Retrieval day was counted as day 0. The transfer date depends on how healthy the embryos look and how they are developing. We will transfer 2 embryos at that time. We hope for a 5 day transfer, because our doctor believes there is a greater chance of healthy implantation on day 5... but we know that God is the one in control... it will happen in His time, on His terms. We are okay with wherever and however He leads us.

Stay tuned...

Pray about EVERYTHING

There is nothing too big or too small for God. He wants us to come to Him for everything. Big or small. Silly or serious. Give it ALL over to him.

Yesterday morning before work I had to go in *super early* for a baseline ultrasound. This ultrasound would look for my endometrium (the lining of the uterus) to be thin and to count the number of follicles on each ovary, also they would make sure there were no large cysts that would delay the start of our medicated cycle. ALSO before starting any medication I had to start my period, or at least have some spotting to mark the start of this new cycle. I was on birth control for 18 days to regulate my hormones, ideally my period would start 2-4 days after I stopped taking the pill. Two days passed... nothing. Three... nothing. Four (the day of our injection teaching) still nothing... I was stressed. It just figures that when you want to start... of course you don't.

So I woke up yesterday morning... still no period. I got ready for work... nothing. Then I started getting irritated. I said a prayer that probably left God shaking his head or laughing at me (I actually envision Him doing that a lot since I prefer to talk to him as a dear friend and finally got to a point where I spoke from my heart and not just the way people teach you to "properly" pray). There I was, in the bathroom saying "Come on, you've led me here and now are we going to be delayed... YOU are the one in charge of this... Let me start my period already!!" This went on for several minutes until finally I started laughing at how absurd I sounded. So I finished getting ready for work and my appointment and went to the bathroom again before I left. Low and behold, within the time of my "silly" prayer and the time I was ready to leave (maybe 5-10 minutes later)... I had started my period. I laughed as my silly husband sang "Oh happy day" to pick at how happy I was... and so it began.

When I arrived to my doctor's office I had discovered the normal girl who does the ultrasounds was on leave and someone that I completely adored working with in a previous job was there training to fill in a few days a week. We chatted for a second, I was so happy to see someone I trust there. But unfortunately someone else took me back to a different room to scan me. Let's just say... this type of ultrasound was not her strong suit. It was fine, her measurements were accurate. I watched the entire thing to ensure it was done properly. My endometrium was perfectly thin and I had a few follicles on each ovary. If everything goes as planned those follicles will mature and will soon be our babies.

After a crazy day of work, the nurse called with my instructions. Hubs and I are on 7 days of antibiotics, just to be sure neither of us have any bugs... I have prescription prenatal vitamins... and was told Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings to inject 200 IU of Follistim. Monday I will have blood work to determine further dosing and to add on our next injections, tentatively I will do the Follistim in the morning and Menopur in the evenings starting next week.

This part of the story just proves to myself even more... to come to God with EVERY aspect of this journey and not just the major things. He is truly in control... of EVERYTHING. Thank the Lord for that.

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FRIDAY

Today was my normal day off. I took advantage of that fact by going to have a luxurious long lunch at my favorite Italian restaurant with a dear friend of mine. The food and the company were excellent... we left there and went to a French bakery to get treats... I brought home a box full to have as my reward for my injections this weekend. I also got some treats for another dear friend and took them to her on my way home. I was surprised by a call from my hubby to tell me he was headed home (earlier than usual) and was taking me on a date. : )

We had a nice dinner... rare steak of course... my favorite... and then headed home to the dreaded needle that awaited me.

With my anxiety level ever rising by looking at it... I thought it was best just to dive in and get it over with! I was warned about certain injections burning, but was told this one shouldn't... I was told wrong. It BURNED... and maybe it was just because I was so worked up about it. If you are giving yourself injections, do yourself a favor and follow my friend's advice... PUSH THE MEDS IN SLOWLY. The slower I pushed the less it burned.

Personally I think I took it like a champ... at least for me and my fear of needles. :) This was about ten minutes ago... so far the only thing I feel is dizzy. Hence this short and sweet post, it's a little hard to focus right now.

I want to personally thank you all for your continued prayer through this... especially to my girlfriends who have to hear all the details and have to hear all the "freak-outs". I love you guys so much. I hope you know how much I appreciate you putting up with me through this.

Most of all, I want to thank my amazing dear husband. I could not do any of this without his constant love, support and encouragement. He continues to amaze me every single day.

(If your thinking that needle doesn't look like a standard syringe you are right! Follistim comes with this neat little injection pen that has a medication cartridge and a measurement gauge to ensure proper dosing.)

Finding Control in an Uncontrollable Situation

One of the hardest things in our situation... especially with the nature of my personality... is being completely unable to control anything that is happening in my body. As a woman, you always think that you will have a family as soon as you decide it is time. Well, apparently life does not work that way. It's a hard thing to wrap your mind around... not functioning the way a woman's body should, being that out of control is a HARD thing for me. I needed something to keep my sanity... and I found a few tricks along the way.

1. PRAY. A LOT. Finally admitting to God (as if it was any surprise to him) and to myself that I had absolutely no control in this situation. I had to say it out loud in order to fully grasp it. "God, I know only you are in control of all of this. I know that whatever may happen is only Your plan in accordance with Your will... and God? This is so hard. You know our heart's desire, we pray that our desires go along with whatever You have planned for us. PLEASE give me peace, patience and understanding as we go along this journey, whatever the outcome may be." PRAY MORE. Repeat it until you believe it whole heartedly... the more you say it, the more comfortable you become with being out of control... but having faith gives you back a sense of control. Because, you can turn to God any moment of any day... and He is there waiting. Say it again... even if you think He is tired of hearing it... it says in His word, pray without ceasing... It works!

2. Find a hobby completely unrelated to your body. Mine was baking and cooking. Baking became my therapy after our miscarriage. I found joy and fulfillment in making things that were beautiful, but more importantly, delicious! My kitchen is my second favorite room in our house. I have about 5 different cooking magazine subscriptions... and making delicious things for my husband and friends makes me feel like a better wife. I know, hello 1950's but it really does!! Thanks to pinterest I always have something I can try... For a while I even made our own juices, jerky and stocks... it was fun! Haven't had too much time for this lately, but at least I have developed lots of skills to provide nutritional meals for our family. Plus you have the added bonus of being able to control what you put into your body... I am happy to report that I am now caffeine free... and have been eating more "fertility foods." (On a funny note, if you research foods that are good for fertility, you will find most fruits are uterine and ovarian shaped... maybe a little hint from God about the benefits of his creations?? Avocado anyone?)

3. RELAX. My FAVORITE room in our house is my bathroom. I take a relaxing bath every night. It's my treat to myself that I look forward to every day. I have several different types of bubble bath and a pile of books next to my Jacuzzi tub. I think it is very important to take time for yourself to "reset" especially if you are struggling with something hard. The doggies even look in the bathtub for me if they can't find me in the house. :)

4. Laugh. Every day. Having three dogs in our house is chaotic, but in a fantastic way. Any time I am upset or angry or crying... I can fall into a puppy pile and receive as many kisses as I can stand... INSTANT THERAPY!

5. Let your husband know how much you value him. This roller coaster of hormones can do a number on us... but guess what? It does a number on your husband too. He is the one who has to put up with whoever comes home that day, whether it is Jekyll or Hyde. Let him know how much you appreciate that... and as a bonus... acknowledging this takes some of the burden off of you and makes you feel closer in your marriage. That is always a welcome bonus. He is in this too. Even though he isn't the one doing all the tests and meds and injections... this is his burden as well. You can't control the path you've been led down but you can control how you treat each other along the way.

6. Clean your house! Yeah, yeah... I know hello 1950's again... but as much frustration I deal with when it comes to my body... I CAN control my surroundings. When I feel upset or anxious... I clean. I have always done this, even before I got married. For some reason cleaning gets all my frustrations out. Now my house is not immaculate, but it is rather clean 90% of the time. Don't worry, I don't judge people who don't have as much time and energy to clean their home as much as I do. I never judge when I walk into some one's dirty house. When I go over to a friends house and everything is covered in crayons and random puzzle pieces and barbies... all I see is a happy fulfilled loving home. I hope to one day be one of those moms with toys everywhere from my little rascals destroying the place... but for now, I don't so I feel anxious if my surroundings look pretty. Sounds silly right? But it works!

7. Get lost! I love to read. I'm what you would call an avid reader, at least a book a week or more... lately it has been pre-apocalyptic Christian fiction... sometimes it's mysteries... sometimes it's thrillers (hello Hunger Games)... sometimes it is stories of experiences of Heaven... sometimes it's simple fully chick-lit. ALWAYS it is a story I get lost in... I can "forget" what is happening around me and lose myself in someone else's world... and I always feel good when my nose is in a book. It's so calming to forget about your own troubles for a while and follow someone else's story.

8. Most importantly... and I know I've said it before... In an uncontrollable situation, the most important thing is to have someone to talk to who has been there!! Knowing that you are not alone in whatever you are feeling at the time is essential. I can't stress that enough. My husband is amazing, but sometimes I need to hear from another woman that they feel or have felt this way too.

I know these tricks won't work for everyone... every person is different. But find something to keep the peace in your head :)

Now... I'm going to go do some laundry and process everything that is going to happen this week.

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In similar news... we had our injection teaching today. We met with the nurse who explained how to do my injections and all of the medication... and before we left we had to practice using the needles. YIKES!! I have been dreading this for weeks. I am terrified of needles. It isn't the pain I am afraid of, it is the actual needle. Something about jabbing a sharp metal object into my own stomach freaks me out!!

So, I went in shaking, palms sweating... making notes as she explained all the aspects of our meds and how things will go from here. Then it was time. She asked if I was ready... uhm, no but okay. I took my friend's advice and made sure to pinch my stomach really hard, luckily the needle was small. I figured the longer I hesitated the worse it would be, so I just manned up and stuck it in! Like a champ!! It may sound silly but I was so proud of myself for that moment!!

Then it was Mike's turn, the shot he had to practice on me with was intramuscular. That means it's a long needle that has to go straight into the muscle of my hip. I felt really sick to my stomach as I slid my pants down for the nurse to demonstrate... He has been saying for WEEKS that he wanted to be the one to give my injections. Just the thought of the TERRIFIED ME!!!! I could just picture him jumping out from around the corner and jabbing me cause he knows how much I hate needles. So I took a deep breath and turned around really fast saying I needed just a second... another deep breath and he stuck... and he was AWESOME! His intramuscular stick hurt less than my subcutaneous stick!! So maybe he will be giving my injections throughout this after all. I am so proud of him... and of me. :)

That satisfaction gave us a little bit more feeling of control, even though we know ultimately it is ALL in God's hands!

Control is strictly a human desire, it's stuck in our minds and we can't help it! But now, it's time to let go... and let God do his work.

Now we are ready to begin! I have a baseline ultrasound Thursday to check the lining of my uterus and my follicles, and if all looks well I start injections Friday or Saturday! Yay! He says we have a greater chance of success because I am young... so let the prayers fly!!

Let's get this party started!

We would be eternally grateful for any prayer you are willing to send our way! From here on out we will be updating regularly on our journey. We love you all!

An Unbelievable Blessing

When the hubby and I were processing all this information we had received from our new doctor... it was time to have a serious conversation about finances. I have always been frugal, but like any other girl... I like to shop, though I don't do it in excess. We had been squirreling away money into a "baby" account for months. We wanted to go the IVF route per the doctor's recommendation... but it was just so expensive! We had to be prepared to spend $15,000 and it was clear on every form we filled out from the beginning that any procedure must be paid for up front. That number alone was enough to put me into pure panic mode.

It was time to take off our "mommy/daddy" hats and put on our "husband/wife" hats. Our instincts said... DO IT! FIND A WAY!... But the rational parts of our brains said, you have a family to provide for. So we talked it out... we wanted to do this, but we wanted to do it right. We did not want to put ourselves deep in debt and then not have anything left over to provide for our little one if it worked. So we prayed... Dear God, You are leading us down this path, we trust You and want to follow Your will. Lord, if this is Your will we pray that you will provide a way for us. If it is not, we pray that You will give us wisdom to make the right decision on where to go from here. I shed a few tears, which by now should be no surprise to you... and we went on about our night.

The next day, my sweet husband went to his boss and told him where we were at. They have known about our loss and struggle with infertility and told him if there was ever anything we needed to come to him. He showed him the price list on what everything would cost. Then his boss said something to the effect of "let me look this over and talk to some people and I'll get back with you." Conveniently the man he needed to talk to called right after to talk about some other business, while they were on the phone, he immediately informed him of our situation. After being informed of everything, this wonderful man proposed this... they would pay for the entire procedure up front. $7,500 of that would be an outright payment from the company for our cause... the rest would be a loan to us. Zero percent interest. With however long we needed to pay it off. Mike told them what we had in our "baby" account, and he was told, you keep that, you might need it... we would pay it back by them "keeping" his bonuses or however else we wanted to pay it back... interest free. An amazing proposal right?! But now we had to wait... this proposal would be made to the Head Honcho of the business. All we could do was pray. God if this is your will, please let this go through.

We prayed all weekend. We went to the zoo with my family... we saw the movie I had been wanting to see... we had an amazing church service... found a new favorite pizza place... Monday morning, I went to work and Mike went to physical therapy (for a bad knee). I had more blood drawn. I waited and waited and waited for news... but nothing came.

I went to get groceries, was making a dish for my church women's meeting that was the next night, then I got the text. "Can't call right now but just talked to the boss... approved!! I love you!! Tell everyone for us!!! I love you so much!!!!" I dropped the spatula I was holding. I immediately dialed my mom... when I was telling her I burst into tears. I was laughing and crying... I had chills, goosebumps... it was the most amazing feeling ever. I called Mike's parents next... everyone was overwhelmed by this amazing blessing. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home... I felt so blessed. And proud... proud of the man he is, I felt like it said so much about his character that his company would do this amazing thing for us. I am sitting here in awe still. As soon as he got home we hugged and kissed and prayed the most thankful prayers of our life!!

So that is where we are... amazing blessed... feeling so loved. IVF here we come!!