How many times in your life do you realize that you are witnessing a miracle as it is happening? Often times it is realized after we looked back... we don't even know it is happening, often it is too hard to see the big picture as you are living through the difficulty.
My friends.... we are living through a time of miracles. And you all are our witnesses.
When we went through our injection training, Mike asked the nurse how many good mature eggs was our doctor hoping to retrieve from me. Her answer? 8. His hope for us, to give us a good chance of success... with everything that is "wrong" with my ovaries... their answer was 8 good healthy mature eggs.
Yesterday was our retrieval. I didn't feel nervous, although my heart rate of 115 gave me away... honestly I felt excited. Most importantly, I felt in peace. We didn't speak much on our way to the surgery center. I spent the entire time, in my head, in prayer. I prayed for peace and I immediately felt it. I felt all of your prayers being lifted up for us. My mother met us there... and I was ready to go! I was still hurting from my full ovaries but I knew that was a good sign that they were so full.
The nurses of East Memphis Surgery Center were amazing. Everyone went out of their way to be nice and encouraging. Everyone we met was great, the anesthesia doctor and nurse, the pre and post op nurses... and our new doctor. Our regular doctor had a very valid reason for being out of town... his daughter was graduating college. HELLO of course he had to be there! Dr. Brezina would be our doctor for this procedure and possibly for our transfer depending on the date. I know people who see him so this change in plans did not worry me at all. He was well up to date on our case. He was kind and open... just what you want from someone who is about to do a surgical procedure on me. He told us the ins and outs one more time, the risks (of course) and made us feel completely comfortable. As we walked to the surgery room and I said goodbye to my husband and my mother... he even laughed at my silly joke to my husband... He was off to give his sample upstairs, to which I replied "Do me proud Mister." The doctor burst into laughter and I immediately liked him even more for thinking I was funny. ; )
I remember being strapped down to the table (just my legs, it was not uncomfortable). I remember an oxygen mask being put on my face... and I remember the nurse anesthetist saying "this may burn a little." It did not... and I was out. I felt nothing from the procedure, I don't even remember them moving me from the surgical table to the recovery stretcher. Next thing I knew, I was just awake. I felt like I had a really good night's sleep... but I was VERY sore and VERY thirsty. I downed the glass of ginger ale they gave me in about 20 seconds. I was given some pain meds after asking about my pain level. Dr. Brezina came around the corner next smiling from ear to ear... I knew this had to be good. "We got 30 eggs," he said. Wait... what?? 30?!? "These are amazing results," he said. I'll say they are.
Keep in mind that on Tuesday we had 25 good sized follicles... and it goes like this... Not all follicles contain an egg... not all eggs will be mature... not all mature eggs will fertilize and not all fertilized eggs will mature. Keep this in mind from here on out. I wonder how many follicles matured in the day and a half before our surgery! Amazing, amazing results... based solely on God's blessing and power. I think he likes showing off sometimes. ; )
My mother and husband were given my discharge instructions. From there Mom took me home to babysit me and hubby went to work. She made one of my favorite meals... eating was thankfully not a problem. I was comfortable when I got home, slept in bed for a while. Mom went to get my pain meds. I woke up starving while she was gone and moved to the couch. I ate and passed out about 5 minutes afterwards. I slept for hours but was unfortunately awoken in bad pain. We had inadvertently let the medicine wear off. It wasn't too bad if I laid still with a heating pad. Really the worst part is moving around or going to the bathroom. The filling and emptying of my bladder moves my ovaries around, so it's a before and after pain. The bleeding hasn't been too bad, it gets less and less as time goes by... exactly as it is supposed to.
Last night wasn't too great. I'm so overly emotional. I don't know if it is the hormones or withdrawals from all the shots or the discomfort... or if the emotional impact of all of this is catching up with me. I'm crying a lot. But all in all I feel okay... just that my body is going crazy lol. I take that as a natural response. The doctor says my level of pain is not abnormal, due to the fact that "he stabbed my ovary over 30 times". His words...
I have read and re-read all of the retrieval letters that were given in our basket of love from our friends. The love you guys have for us is just overwhelming.
Now for the news you all are waiting on. I spoke to the embryologist this morning.
Out of the 30 eggs that were retrieved, 22 were mature enough to use.
Out of the 22 eggs that were mature enough to use, 21 fertilized!
Now, keep in mind, not all fertilized eggs will keep growing and developing into embryos...
All we can do, and all we ask of you, is to keep praying. This is the power of prayer! This is a time for miracles. Watch it unfold before your eyes as we are!
Praising God continually! To God ALONE be the glory!
.... for now... I'm going back to bed. : )
We love you all!
We should hear more tomorrow from the embryologist, they will decide whether to do a 3 day transfer (on Sunday) or a 5 day transfer (on Tuesday). Today is counted as day 1. Retrieval day was counted as day 0. The transfer date depends on how healthy the embryos look and how they are developing. We will transfer 2 embryos at that time. We hope for a 5 day transfer, because our doctor believes there is a greater chance of healthy implantation on day 5... but we know that God is the one in control... it will happen in His time, on His terms. We are okay with wherever and however He leads us.
Stay tuned...
I know... I know... I said I would post Sunday with our update... here's my excuse: We went from the doctor to breakfast, then to church which was an extended service for a meeting, then to lunch (because it was after 1:00), then to take Hubs to see Superman for Father's Day and finally... home. By the time we got home I was so uncomfortable and achy from sitting through all that, I just wanted to go to bed. That is precisely what I did as soon as I took my shot for that night. That night we went down to 125 IU per night on my follistim. I had about 20 good size follicles on Sunday. Since then... we have continued the menopur and ganirelix at the same dosage.
I am happy to report that today is my last day of shots! My poor bruised and tender stomach is grateful! I have responded beautifully to the regimen they had me on. This morning... I had more than 25 good looking follicles. A few of those are larger than the "ideal" size but they are all around the same... 1.8 cm is ideal, this is the size of the majority of my follicles with a few 1.9-2.0 cm ones... we pray they are ALL healthy.
Tonight I take my HCG trigger shot, Novarel, which will finalize the maturation process of my eggs. This shot is taken in the hip, intramuscularly at precisely 7:30 pm. I am actually looking forward to it because that mean I am DONE with injections!! Tomorrow, as soon as I get up, I will take a UPT (urine pregnancy test) which should be positive. If it is not, this is an issue and I will have to call my doctor immediately... I didn't ask what the next step would be then... because I honestly feel like we have made it this far, I have the faith for the next step! Tomorrow night before bed I am to take one valium and get a GOOD night's sleep!!
Thursday morning we will arrive at the surgery center at 6:30 am. My mom is selflessly giving us her time so she can take care of me afterwards and let hubs go to work. : ) We are beyond grateful for her being there for us!
The side effects haven't gotten too much worse on these meds. The headaches have been a bit more intense. Really, the worst part now is the achiness from my ovaries. They are so engorged at this point that they literally hurt whenever I move. It is close to impossible to find any sort of comfortable position to sit or lay in... I am SO ready for Thursday. I'm sure on that day I may be a bit nervous about being put to sleep... but right now I can't wait! We will know right after the procedure how many eggs they were able to retrieve from the existing follicles.
I was also given permission by my BFF to read all of the "retrieval" letters I received before bed tomorrow night. : ) Another thing to look forward to!
For anyone wondering what an egg retrieval consists of... read on.
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The retrieval process:
First and foremost... I will get an IV and I will be knocked out! And I'm thankful for that!
The procedure is done with a transvaginal ultrasound probe which is attached with a biopsy needle and catheter to "suck out" the follicles. The wall of the vagina is perforated on each side by the needle and the transvaginal imaging is used to guide the needle. Not every follicle will be accessible, but they will get as many as they can.
Next, under a microscope, the embryologist will evaluate the fluid and find the egg within. Then he will determine which eggs look healthy and mature enough to fertilize. This morning also, Hubs will give his "sample" which will be used to fertilize my eggs.
I was told to expect to be pretty sore after the procedure, along with some cramping... possible some light vaginal bleeding from the procedure. After the procedure I will be given antibiotics to avoid an infection and oral steroids to reduce any post surgical inflammation. I was also notified today that I will likely be given an estrogen supplement due to the lining of my uterus being thinner than they like to see for implantation. Please pray it thickens up before the big day!!
Hello friends! More monitoring today... I went from 10 measurable follicles to about 15! That is egg-cellent news. ; ) Our target date has been delayed a tad... the follicles still aren't quite ready to go. We will have more monitoring Sunday morning. My estriadol went from 803 to 1540, a good jump. We knew once we started the ganirelix it would no longer double.
As far as side effects are going, I cannot differentiate the ganirelix from the menopur for a lot of things, such as dizziness, never ending thirst, fatigue and well... I just feel out of it to be honest with you. Today is my off day which I usually spend cleaning. But now? I clean for about 10 minutes then feel exhausted and out of breath and have to lay down for a bit before I can do much more. It's not awful... just kind of annoying because I lay here bored and when I try to do anything, I can't. But as with everything else I will do whatever it takes. As far as the injections themselves... the ganirelix does not hurt going in... it's only about 10-15 minutes later that the site turns really red, almost rash-like and burns. That only last a few hours before it turns into an area of bruising. My stomach is starting to look like a battle field. Oh and the battery acid? Oh, I mean the menopur. It HURTS... even with icing the area for a while before hand. Given the results we got during the ultrasound, it is SO worth it!
The lining of my uterus looks nice and healthy, just where we want it. The follicles on average are measuring about 14mm now, we need them to get to 18 mm before harvesting. On average they will grow 1-2 mm a day, but with the ganirelix that might be slowed. For now, they are saying our retrieval may happen on Wednesday or Thursday. We will know more after Sunday's testing. Until then... our meds are not changing. We are doing ganirelix and menopur in the morning and 150 IU of follistim in the evening.
I've been more worried about our eggs than I'd like to admit, at least on a subconscious level. First I was afraid I would spontaneously ovulate prematurely before starting the ganirelix. Then last night I dreamed that the ganirelix didn't work and all of my follicles had ruptured and they weren't able to see any eggs when we had the ultrasound. Being afraid is just a natural part of this. Overall I feel pretty calm, at least right now. I'm confident in the direction we are going. I'm confident that the medication is working... I'm confident in the ability of our doctors. Because ultimately it is all in God's hands. If God wants us to be parents, we will be, whether it is by these or other means.
I've been thinking about my husband more and more with father's day rapidly approaching. I hope to be able to give him as many eggs as my body is willing to give up... but there is nothing I could ever do to show my full appreciation for him. He is still faithfully doing all of my injections. He drove me to work on Thursday because he was worried about me driving with the potential side effects of the new injections. I was glad he did. I don't think it would have been safe with the level of dizziness I had yesterday. I know it is hard on him, seeing me bruised and in pain... but he is staying strong for me... he finally opened up about his concerns through this... about me. About how I will react if this is a big fat failure. Honestly, that has been a concern of mine as well. But I will tell you as I told him... this is the truth that I know now that I did not know during our miscarriage. My husband is enough for me to be happy. I want to be a mother. I will always be a mother to our angel baby... but above that, I am a wife. And I cannot imagine a life outside of "me and him". Children will only add to that joy. BUT If it is only going to be us (and all our four legged babies) from here on out... YES I would be devastated and upset... but as long as I have my dear husband. I know I can survive it.
My husband is the one who pushed me in my faith. He is the reason I am the person I am now. He is my rock. He is the love of my life. He is my one and only. I'm doing all of this for us, for our family... for our future. We are going through this together. Hand in hand. Every day. We fight as one. We worship as one. We pray as one. From the day we said "I Do" we became one. For better or for worse. Through infertility and IVF or adoption or anything life throws at us... we walk it together. We fight it out, together. We have faith...we have HOPE together. That makes all things possible... because our hope is in our Lord. The One who brought us together. The One who made us. The One we put our vows before when we became one in his eyes. We stand together on our faith. We hold together through our love.
Stay tuned for more news on Sunday...
