Friday, June 14, 2013

Faith, Progress and Love

Hello friends! More monitoring today... I went from 10 measurable follicles to about 15! That is egg-cellent news. ; ) Our target date has been delayed a tad... the follicles still aren't quite ready to go. We will have more monitoring Sunday morning. My estriadol went from 803 to 1540, a good jump. We knew once we started the ganirelix it would no longer double.

As far as side effects are going, I cannot differentiate the ganirelix from the menopur for a lot of things, such as dizziness, never ending thirst, fatigue and well... I just feel out of it to be honest with you. Today is my off day which I usually spend cleaning. But now? I clean for about 10 minutes then feel exhausted and out of breath and have to lay down for a bit before I can do much more. It's not awful... just kind of annoying because I lay here bored and when I try to do anything, I can't. But as with everything else I will do whatever it takes. As far as the injections themselves... the ganirelix does not hurt going in... it's only about 10-15 minutes later that the site turns really red, almost rash-like and burns. That only last a few hours before it turns into an area of bruising. My stomach is starting to look like a battle field. Oh and the battery acid? Oh, I mean the menopur. It HURTS... even with icing the area for a while before hand. Given the results we got during the ultrasound, it is SO worth it!

The lining of my uterus looks nice and healthy, just where we want it. The follicles on average are measuring about 14mm now, we need them to get to 18 mm before harvesting. On average they will grow 1-2 mm a day, but with the ganirelix that might be slowed. For now, they are saying our retrieval may happen on Wednesday or Thursday. We will know more after Sunday's testing. Until then... our meds are not changing. We are doing ganirelix and menopur in the morning and 150 IU of follistim in the evening.

I've been more worried about our eggs than I'd like to admit, at least on a subconscious level. First I was afraid I would spontaneously ovulate prematurely before starting the ganirelix. Then last night I dreamed that the ganirelix didn't work and all of my follicles had ruptured and they weren't able to see any eggs when we had the ultrasound. Being afraid is just a natural part of this. Overall I feel pretty calm, at least right now. I'm confident in the direction we are going. I'm confident that the medication is working... I'm confident in the ability of our doctors. Because ultimately it is all in God's hands. If God wants us to be parents, we will be, whether it is by these or other means.

I've been thinking about my husband more and more with father's day rapidly approaching. I hope to be able to give him as many eggs as my body is willing to give up... but there is nothing I could ever do to show my full appreciation for him. He is still faithfully doing all of my injections. He drove me to work on Thursday because he was worried about me driving with the potential side effects of the new injections. I was glad he did. I don't think it would have been safe with the level of dizziness I had yesterday. I know it is hard on him, seeing me bruised and in pain... but he is staying strong for me... he finally opened up about his concerns through this... about me. About how I will react if this is a big fat failure. Honestly, that has been a concern of mine as well. But I will tell you as I told him... this is the truth that I know now that I did not know during our miscarriage. My husband is enough for me to be happy. I want to be a mother. I will always be a mother to our angel baby... but above that, I am a wife. And I cannot imagine a life outside of "me and him". Children will only add to that joy. BUT If it is only going to be us (and all our four legged babies) from here on out... YES I would be devastated and upset... but as long as I have my dear husband. I know I can survive it.

My husband is the one who pushed me in my faith. He is the reason I am the person I am now. He is my rock. He is the love of my life. He is my one and only. I'm doing all of this for us, for our family... for our future. We are going through this together. Hand in hand. Every day. We fight as one. We worship as one. We pray as one. From the day we said "I Do" we became one. For better or for worse. Through infertility and IVF or adoption or anything life throws at us... we walk it together. We fight it out, together. We have faith...we have HOPE together. That makes all things possible... because our hope is in our Lord. The One who brought us together. The One who made us. The One we put our vows before when we became one in his eyes. We stand together on our faith. We hold together through our love.

Stay tuned for more news on Sunday...


  1. Beautiful words! (As always!) Praying for you everyday!

  2. For better or worse and through it all....that is how you love.....always and forever....I wish every human on the planet could understand that....that is how God meant it to be. Never giving up...unending total sacrificial love like the love God has for us. I praise God every day that both my children have found that kind of love.....the kind your Dad and I have....the Always & Forever kind of love....