Monday, June 10, 2013

Welcome Back to the Crazy Train!!

This weekend was... well, let's just call it an adjustment. I will never forget the roller coaster of emotions from previous fertility drugs. Now that I am on injectables? Hello crazy train! Did you miss me?? I know hubby didn't! Let's put this thing into overdrive!!

Friday night wasn't too bad, I had my shot... wrote a little on here... was a little dizzy. That's about it. I took a bath and went to bed early, feeling okay. Then at 4AM I woke up in a giant puddle of sweat feeling like I was going to throw up at any second. Luckily I had some Phenergan in my night stand. I took one and went back to sleep.

Saturday morning, I woke up cranky... hungry... moody... you name it. I burst into tears when my husband asked what I wanted to eat. Who does that?!? Somebody aboard the crazy train, that's who. Then, when he asked what was wrong, and I replied "nnnooottthhhiiinnnggg" in between sobs. I started laughing. So did he. There was truly nothing I was upset about. I still couldn't stop crying. One banana milkshake later and I was okay again. I cleaned some, but only in spurts because I only have a little energy to spare before I get tired again.

We mostly stayed in this weekend, aside from Sunday. We did things around the house, rested a lot and watched quite a few movies. I don't recommend half of the movies we watched if you are in such an emotional state. Friday night we watched "Side Effects"... crazy movie which led me to have crazy dreams. Saturday night we watched "Seven Pounds"... also a crazy movie which led me to cry uncontrollably at the end. Fantastic.

I gave myself Saturday's shot as well as Fridays... then I was done. I did not want to stick myself anymore. I thought the anxiety of it would get better after I did it a few times... nope. Just as bad. As soon as I finished Saturday night I broke out into a cold sweat and started dry heaving. Fun times?!

Sunday I woke up actually feeling okay. I managed to shower and get ready for church on time, which is good news any week. We love our church family... it felt good to be there learning. I had stomach pains throughout church but nothing too terrible. We did end up having to leave early due to the nausea. Once that passed, hubs took me to lunch and then his softball game. It was sweltering. In the hour that I was sitting there I got a pretty good sunburn (I later noticed once we got home, the warning on our antibiotics that gives a warning about burning easily with sun exposure while taking it)... then I got overheated... and I felt AWFUL.

I feel like this is such a roller coaster. I go from feeling normal to having hot flashes to being cold to being sad to being happy to feeling sick to having NO appetite to feeling like myself again just in time to take my next injection. I cried in my Chinese food last night thinking about sticking myself again. Then hubby steps in... he never misses a beat when I'm upset. He expertly did my injection last night. I took a friend's advice and numbed the area with ice for a couple of minutes before the injection and it went much better. Mentally it was better because I did not have to have the anxiety of doing it myself. This is his job from here on out. He says he doesn't mind one bit. I'm so lucky to have him catering to my needs during this time. He is pouring out his love to me, and that is the only thing keeping me sane on this crazy train. This man is my greatest gift from God. Laying in bed with him last night watching "Wreck It Ralph" was definitely the highlight of my weekend.

This morning I had labs drawn before work. Things seem to be progressing properly. Other than spending the first 30 minutes of the workday with my head in the toilet... We will continue 200 IU of Follistim today and tomorrow. Wednesday I will have more blood work and an ultrasound before we get our next instructions.

For now... I feel like I need to walk around in a t-shirt that says "Please Ignore the Crazy Lady".... and I will keep telling myself just keep your eyes on the prize...


Please excuse the rantings in this and the upcoming posts... it's a little hard to focus and keep my thoughts straight. :)

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