If it's broken... fix it!

Hello everybody. Did you miss me?

Mike and I took a much needed vacation. For his birthday, a few weeks ago, I gave him tickets to see his beloved Buckeyes take on Penn State in Columbus, Ohio. We made a long weekend of it, since I am off on Fridays and got back LATE last night. It was amazing... exactly what we needed... to get AWAY!! We had an amazing time, and hubby especially loved seeing his Bucks win, by a landslide!

Now it's back to work... and back to reality.

__________________________________________________________

We had a follow-up appointment the past Wednesday, the week of our trip. I decided to put it out of my mind until we got back. But like I said, now it's back to reality. So... Here is what we discovered. After having some shaky looking labs in the beginning, with a scary increased prolactin lab result... the repeat labs were all normal. Our doctor is chalking that up to the retained products that I had after our D&C surgery. His is cautious, however, and will watch my labs even closer in the future. In other news, I had no clotting factors or antibodies towards the pregnancy. Good news.

Now the bad news. I had a repeat sonohysterogram, the details of the first time we had this done at my OBGYN's office, including details about the procedure itself can be found here, or you can go to the post entitled "An Interesting Case" written in March. These new results came out abnormal. So... either the measurements were inaccurate the first time, or the tissue that they first thought could be a septum has enlarged and become more of a septum.

This is the shape of a normal uterus:

This is the shape that they first thought my uterus was:

This is how my uterus looks now (or did before but just got a good plane of measurement):

So what to do... ... ...

My septum is a little over 1cm in measurement. By radiological definition a septum can only be called a septum if it is at least 1cm. My doctor says, that by itself, this is not too impressive. He likely would have gone on with the first IVF procedure even if he had known this from the beginning. Now that he has seen me pregnant, however, he thinks that it needs to be surgically removed.

Here is the problem with a septum: it is composed of fibrous tissue. Fibrous tissue does not have the normal extensive blood supply that the rest of the uterus has running through it. When you get pregnant and the egg implants, you cannot control what wall of the uterus that the egg implants into. So if the egg implants into the fibrous part of the uterus, after the placenta is forming (which is around the time of our loss) it cannot get enough blood supply and will die... and there's nothing that can be done. This is what our doctor thinks happened. You can see where a placenta will form by visualized where the yolk sac is located in the gestational sac, and little baby b... that yolk sac was in the area right along the area where the septum begins. Baby A... completely at the septum (we will never know if this is why baby A stopped developing or if there was some other abnormality) but it is very likely that this is what happened with our little butterbean (baby b). Had either baby attached to any of the healthy walls, this may not have ended in miscarriage. But that is only for God to know. He is the only one with any true answers... we can just give the best guesses that our scientific minds can wrap their ideas around.

Surgery here I come. It will be on November 8th, which is a Friday, my off day. It will be done on an outpatient basis at East Memphis Surgery Center. I'm nervous about it, but know that I will be in good hands. This is the center that all of my procedures have been done at so I know the staff is awesome!! I also will not have any abdominal incisions, it will be done via hysteroscopy.

Hysteroscopy is preformed by inserting a flexible lighted tube into the vagina, through the cervix and into the uterine cavity. I will be under general anesthesia (asleep) for the procedure. My uterus will then be inflated with either saline or gas for better visualization of the septum. Then they will slowly cut away the fibrous tissue until they get to the normal tissue,and ultimately will give me a normal shaped uterine cavity. There is the possibility that a laparoscopy will be preformed at the same time if there are any complications. (A small incision is made into the abdominal cavity with an inserted lit tube to visualize the outside of my pelvic structures). The recovery will be similar to a D&C recovery... several weeks of bleeding and cramps, the worst of which will be the first few days after the procedure. I hope to be able to return to work the following Monday after the surgery. Please pray for that.

The hope is that, with the septum removed, I will be able to have a normal pregnancy. Now that I have had recurrent miscarriages... I feel like this is the right thing to do.

We ask for your prayer during this time for a successful surgery and a fast recovery, and that it may increase our future success!

God has led us so far in this journey... we know that He will be with us through every moment of this! Thank you for letting us share the good and bad with you.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

______________________________________________________

Please feel free to come with us with any questions you may have... and if you find yourself in our shoes... we would be HONORED to pray with you and for you! We can be reached any time at thejewells319@gmail.com

Enough of the Hurt.. Let's Talk About The Healer

1 John 5: 14-15 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

This last week or so has been trying. I have spent SO many hours in prayer, praying for healing of our hematoma... for our little one to be okay and to grow since the growth was behind at our first official appointment. I've sang the song "The Hurt and the Healer" by mercy me about a thousand times, sometimes just in my head.

 

So here I am

What's left of me

Where Glory meets my suffering...

 

I fall into your arms open wide

When the hurt and the Healer collide

 

Just keep my  eyes completely fixed on You

Lord take hold and pull me through!

 

 

So here we are, 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant... already feeling so blessed because this is more pregnant than we ever made it to previously... Stomach already expanding due to my very small frame : ) I thought it would take me longer to get a little "bump"... nope, it's here... happily the biggest my stomach has ever been, I can't wait to see it even bigger!

 

I still have had no spotting whatsoever. This is what I've been most afraid of this past week, that the bleeding would start... and then not stop. Thankfully, that was not the case.

 

Our doctor's appointment today could not have gone any better. Before we saw the doctor we had our ultrasound... and there wiggling on the screen was a perfect little gummy-bear shaped baby. Measuring nearly normal now at 8 weeks and 3 days. That's a lot of growth in barely over a week. Exactly what we were praying to see. What's even more amazing? My subchorionic hemorrhage is nearly gone. It's tiny now, which means my body has just absorbed it... and I didn't have to pass any of the blood : ) It's still possible to have spotting now with a small bleed but not as likely. Baby's heart rate was 173... must have been all the hot sauce I ate at lunch. There our baby was... wiggling away, looking very happy and at home... shaking those little tiny arms and legs.

 

After the ultrasound we met with our RE one more time. He was thrilled with our progress... he said "man that baby is really catching up!!" to which we responded, "yeah we gave it a really stern talking to about picking up the pace." ; ) We looked so good in fact that he is cutting my esterase (estriadol) dosage in half to only once a day. We will continue the Crinone (progesterone) and the single dose of esterase for about two weeks or so... until the placenta fully takes over. He wants us to come in one more time in two weeks for another ultrasound, just to be sure we are 100%, but he already told me to make an appointment with our regular OBGYN for 2-4 weeks from now.

 

Other than a string of splitting headaches and a lot of nausea, I feel fantastic. So incredibly happy... so incredibly blessed. Healing is so amazing... physically and emotionally. I still miss my other babies, but it feels so amazing to be pregnant. I cannot thank all of you enough for your support and prayers. We are overjoyed. Please pray things continue this way!

How glorious our Healer is. All praise to the Lord!!

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Little Butterbean,

Mommy and daddy are beside ourselves with joy after such good news today. Boy how you have grown so fast!! We are so proud! Thank you so much for holding tight to me! God is so good, I cannot wait to tell you to your face how much of a miracle you are. I promise to do the best I can carrying you... it is my greatest honor. Seeing you wiggling for us on that ultrasound screen made us giggle and almost cry, though I managed to keep it together in front of the doctor. He gave us the biggest hugs before we left, I hope one day you get to meet him, he really is an excellent doctor. Mommy and daddy have had a lot of fun joking with him. He wants to see you again in two weeks and then you will see mommy's regular doctor... so keep doing well... keep growing!! Keep holding on!! We completely adore you my love! You will never know how grateful mommy is for you... I thank God for you every minute of every day... and I will for the rest of my life.

With all the love in the World,
Mommy and Daddy

Meet the Kiddos!

Hello dear friends! I'm feeling.... well, pregnant! Today I am officially 2 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I've never been so happy to have my head in the toilet this morning. I know some of you are thinking that is crazy... but when I was pregnant with our first, I had symptoms way super early, so this feeling is a very welcome feeling, yet not a surprise.

Yesterday was our implantation. We arrived at the surgery center at 9:45... the worst part was feeling like my full bladder was going to explode before I was able to empty it at precisely 11:53. We had yet another wonderful doctor doing our transfer, Dr. Kutteh. We have officially interacted with everyone now... and everyone has been wonderful. I changed into a gown when we arrived and hubs changed into scrubs so he could go into the procedure with me. Side note... he was really good looking in those scrubs.

After Dr. Kutteh came in and introduced himself and went over our case to be sure he had it all straight, he then gave us the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. Our babies.

 

 

Aren't they amazing!? I'm so in love with them. I was in love with them before I even saw them... but now that I have this picture to look at... I can't even put it into words. I held the picture against my heart throughout the entire procedure. Dr. Kutteh let us watch the whole thing on the ultrasound screen. The only hiccup was when I started bleeding after he cleaned my cervix. Thankfully the bleeding was not from my cervix or uterus but from my previous retrieval site. He said it was okay, not to worry if I saw some spotting at home... he "doctored" the area and said it looked fine. Otherwise, he said the procedure could not have gone more perfectly. The fluid I had seen in my pelvis before was gone. : ) My ovaries are still huge... but that is totally normal!

 

The procedure itself was not too uncomfortable. My legs were loosely strapped into soft stirrups and a set of forceps were used to clear the way much like a physical exam. He then cleaned my cervix with a sterile solution. The procedure was done with ultrasound guidance transabdominally (scanning from my stomach using my full bladder as a clear window to clearly visualize my uterus). A soft catheter was loaded with a transfer medium that contained our two little babies. The catheter was then inserted through my cervix into the proper position in my uterus. We could see the little bubble go through on the ultrasound and just like that... our babies were home. The catheter was then removed and my legs unstrapped and put in a more comfortable position.

 

Afterwards we were left alone for about 30 minutes, laying on the tilt table... with my full full bladder.... but all I could think about were my sweet babies, finally where they belong. Mike held my hand and we prayed... we cried... and we prayed. The doctor said sometimes the babies attach in minutes, sometimes hours... sometimes days. The best relief? Getting to go to the bathroom afterwards!!

 

We are hoping by now that those sweet little ones have burrowed in and made themselves at home. I am on strict bedrest for 48 hours. Easier said than done. It's been really hard to stay comfortable with only getting up to use the restroom. My back hurts from laying around... I'm not a big napper... but ANYTHING for my babies. I just have to be careful not to roll over onto my stomach when I sleep, which is usually my favorite sleeping position. And hydration is a MUST!

 

I am continuing my progesterone gel, Crinone, daily. The doctor also added on estriadol tablets twice daily. The lining of my uterus was still not as thick as they would have liked it to be, but the tablets (taken vaginally) should help thicken it up and make a "fluffy bed" for the babies, as the doctor put it.

 

All in all I am feeling good... I'm definitely feeling happy. My mother is here to take care of me while hubs is gone to work... and other than the nausea... I'm great. Restless... but great.

 

We did receive one down note yesterday... the majority of the rest of our embryos had stopped or slowed down in growth. The embryologist told us before the procedure that we might not have any to freeze for the future. We prayed for that also... and in true amazing form... God always comes through. I received a call this morning saying that two of our little babies had greatly improved and made it to freeze... keep the miracles coming. <3

 

I will go on July 4th to check my Beta HCG levels (pregnancy hormone) and will hear back from that the same day... until then, I was only instructed to grow those babies!!

 

GROW BABIES GROW!!!!

 

Psalm 37: 3-5 Trust in the Lord and do what is good... Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires... commit your way to the Lord, trust in HIM and He will act!!

 

Side Note: One thing I love about these doctors? Answering all our questions... they never say "if the babies stick" or "if you may be pregnant" they say "You ARE pregnant" and "WHEN the babies attach"... it just puts such a positive spin on things. And it is so comforting that their confidence is contagious. I love that about them.

Waiting To Meet Our Miracles

Saturday morning I was awoken with a call from our embryologist, or as I like to call him... the babysitter. He had excellent news. Out of our 21 fertilized eggs we had 6 embryos in excellent condition and 5 in average condition. The embryologist was very thrilled, he said these were excellent results. He then said the rest were below average or fragmented (read not developing properly). I spent the rest of Saturday on the couch resting... only doing a couple of things around the house. I was still feeling the effects of the retrieval.

Sunday was the longest day ever. Our babysitter told me he would not be calling me that day, not because they weren't there, but because it is best to leave the babies in the incubator with the least disturbance as possible. Whatever is good for our little darlings! I was still sore... so Mike let me slept in. I hated missing church, but I knew it would be difficult to get up and around in a brisk manner. Showering felt like a job. I was exhausted before I even got my hair completely dry.

Although I still wasn't feeling too great... I had developed cabin fever. Big time. We planned to go to an afternoon movie with hub's best friend and his awesome girlfriend and then to an early dinner. We saw World War Z. Zombie movies are not hub's favorite genre, so I was surprised by the choice. I actually really enjoy these types of movies and books... I know it's weird. I blame that on being partially raised by my brother. : ) I will say this however... nothing will get your mind off of your anxieties better than watching a bunch of people try to save the world from a zombie virus.

I slept horribly last night. It was not due to the movie... when I have bad dreams they tend to be way more realistic than zombies. As I tossed and turned... I began to pray. I prayed for healing. I prayed for our little embies growing in their incubator... I prayed for good results... I prayed for our future. I prayed for God's will and OUR understanding of that will. That is the most important part of all of this... following God's plan for our life. That is when the blessings flow, and boy are they flowing.

I got the call from our babysitter this morning. He was joyful as always, which instantly put me at ease. He said he peeked at our little eggos today and they are developing into blastocysts... right on track!! I cannot wait to see them tomorrow. I will arrive at the surgery center at 9:45 in the morning and the procedure will occur by 10:45. I will be given a valium before the procedure and lay on the tilt table for 30 minutes after the transfer. They plan to transfer 2 embryos.

Because of my estriadol levels before retrieval being over 4000 I have been at a high risk to develop OHSS which would build up fluid in my pelvis. The good news is that I haven't had any symptoms of this... I haven't had any weight gain, my abdomen is not distended and I have been urinating frequently (come on nothing is TMI by now). The doctor says these are excellent signs for everything to go smoothly. HOWEVER, if they get in there tomorrow and see too much fluid they may only transfer one embie. We are praying that doesn't happen. There is a much higher success rate with two transferred, plus that is our plan... that is our path. I feel it. With my curiosity peaked, I did scan myself today... and I do have some fluid in my pelvis... I'm hoping that is just a post surgical reaction and it won't be enough to put a damper on anything. It wasn't a large amount... I don't even look or feel bloated.

To work off some nerves. I cleaned the house when I got home... although it wasn't too dirty. I just know that coming home to a clean house tomorrow will make me feel more at ease. Whatever works right? I love a clean house... it calms me. I put clean sheets on the bed, since I won't be leaving them after we get home tomorrow until Thursday afternoon. I will be on strict bedrest for 48 hours when I get home. By strict I mean I am allowed bathroom privileges and am allowed to walk from the bed to the couch. That is IT. I am not allowed to get up and do ANYTHING. Hubs will be working from home tomorrow afternoon and after that, my sweet mommy is going to come stay with me so he can go to work Wednesday and Thursday.  : )

We went last night to stock up on snacks that I might want or need if I'm feeling sick. It's really hard to plan what you are going to want when you can't do anything... but we tried.

So tomorrow is the big day. I feel like it has been a long time coming... it really does fly by once you start the medications. It feels like just yesterday we were meeting with Dr. Ke for the first time.

I'm so excited. I'm so happy. I can't wait to see pictures of our little babies. I feel pretty at ease right now, although I anticipate not sleeping much tonight... much like a little kid waiting on a visit from Santa Claus. Now that everything is in order... all I can do is relax. And pray. Pray pray pray.

______________________________________________________________

Dear Babies,

I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. Our little ball of cells that are our miracles. We have been looking forward to this for so long. We have constantly been dreaming of you and your brothers and sisters that are growing along side of you. Mommy has done her best to do everything right for you to be healthy and happy. Tomorrow two of you will be transferred into mommy's uterus. PLEASE make yourself at home. PLEASE stick around. I know you are anxious to meet your older brother in Heaven, but we would really really love it if you would stay with us for a while. We are anxious to meet him too... maybe you already have met him... because we know you came straight from God's heart and into our world. We hope everything goes well during the transfer and the following months... But we want you to know that if anything should happen, and you get called home early... we love you. We will cherish every second we get to spend with you on this Earth, whether it is a few days or many many years. You are now and always will be our miracle babies. We love you. Forever... in this world and the next.

Forever Trusting in Love,
Mommy and Daddy (and your 3 puppies waiting to kiss your face and love you forever too)

Witnessing a Miracle

How many times in your life do you realize that you are witnessing a miracle as it is happening? Often times it is realized after we looked back... we don't even know it is happening, often it is too hard to see the big picture as you are living through the difficulty.

My friends.... we are living through a time of miracles. And you all are our witnesses.

When we went through our injection training, Mike asked the nurse how many good mature eggs was our doctor hoping to retrieve from me. Her answer? 8. His hope for us, to give us a good chance of success... with everything that is "wrong" with my ovaries... their answer was 8 good healthy mature eggs.

Yesterday was our retrieval. I didn't feel nervous, although my heart rate of 115 gave me away... honestly I felt excited. Most importantly, I felt in peace. We didn't speak much on our way to the surgery center. I spent the entire time, in my head, in prayer. I prayed for peace and I immediately felt it. I felt all of your prayers being lifted up for us. My mother met us there... and I was ready to go! I was still hurting from my full ovaries but I knew that was a good sign that they were so full.

The nurses of East Memphis Surgery Center were amazing. Everyone went out of their way to be nice and encouraging. Everyone we met was great, the anesthesia doctor and nurse, the pre and post op nurses... and our new doctor. Our regular doctor had a very valid reason for being out of town... his daughter was graduating college. HELLO of course he had to be there! Dr. Brezina would be our doctor for this procedure and possibly for our transfer depending on the date. I know people who see him so this change in plans did not worry me at all. He was well up to date on our case. He was kind and open... just what you want from someone who is about to do a surgical procedure on me. He told us the ins and outs one more time, the risks (of course) and made us feel completely comfortable. As we walked to the surgery room and I said goodbye to my husband and my mother... he even laughed at my silly joke to my husband... He was off to give his sample upstairs, to which I replied "Do me proud Mister." The doctor burst into laughter and I immediately liked him even more for thinking I was funny. ; )

I remember being strapped down to the table (just my legs, it was not uncomfortable). I remember an oxygen mask being put on my face... and I remember the nurse anesthetist saying "this may burn a little." It did not... and I was out. I felt nothing from the procedure, I don't even remember them moving me from the surgical table to the recovery stretcher. Next thing I knew, I was just awake. I felt like I had a really good night's sleep... but I was VERY sore and VERY thirsty. I downed the glass of ginger ale they gave me in about 20 seconds. I was given some pain meds after asking about my pain level. Dr. Brezina came around the corner next smiling from ear to ear... I knew this had to be good. "We got 30 eggs," he said. Wait... what?? 30?!? "These are amazing results," he said. I'll say they are.

Keep in mind that on Tuesday we had 25 good sized follicles... and it goes like this... Not all follicles contain an egg... not all eggs will be mature... not all mature eggs will fertilize and not all fertilized eggs will mature. Keep this in mind from here on out. I wonder how many follicles matured in the day and a half before our surgery! Amazing, amazing results... based solely on God's blessing and power. I think he likes showing off sometimes. ; )

My mother and husband were given my discharge instructions. From there Mom took me home to babysit me and hubby went to work. She made one of my favorite meals... eating was thankfully not a problem. I was comfortable when I got home, slept in bed for a while. Mom went to get my pain meds. I woke up starving while she was gone and moved to the couch. I ate and passed out about 5 minutes afterwards. I slept for hours but was unfortunately awoken in bad pain. We had inadvertently let the medicine wear off. It wasn't too bad if I laid still with a heating pad. Really the worst part is moving around or going to the bathroom. The filling and emptying of my bladder moves my ovaries around, so it's a before and after pain. The bleeding hasn't been too bad, it gets less and less as time goes by... exactly as it is supposed to.

Last night wasn't too great. I'm so overly emotional. I don't know if it is the hormones or withdrawals from all the shots or the discomfort... or if the emotional impact of all of this is catching up with me. I'm crying a lot. But all in all I feel okay... just that my body is going crazy lol. I take that as a natural response. The doctor says my level of pain is not abnormal, due to the fact that "he stabbed my ovary over 30 times". His words...

I have read and re-read all of the retrieval letters that were given in our basket of love from our friends. The love you guys have for us is just overwhelming.

Now for the news you all are waiting on. I spoke to the embryologist this morning.

Out of the 30 eggs that were retrieved, 22 were mature enough to use.

Out of the 22 eggs that were mature enough to use, 21 fertilized!

Now, keep in mind, not all fertilized eggs will keep growing and developing into embryos...

All we can do, and all we ask of you, is to keep praying. This is the power of prayer! This is a time for miracles. Watch it unfold before your eyes as we are!

Praising God continually! To God ALONE be the glory!

.... for now... I'm going back to bed. : )

We love you all!

We should hear more tomorrow from the embryologist, they will decide whether to do a 3 day transfer (on Sunday)  or a 5 day transfer (on Tuesday). Today is counted as day 1. Retrieval day was counted as day 0. The transfer date depends on how healthy the embryos look and how they are developing. We will transfer 2 embryos at that time. We hope for a 5 day transfer, because our doctor believes there is a greater chance of healthy implantation on day 5... but we know that God is the one in control... it will happen in His time, on His terms. We are okay with wherever and however He leads us.

Stay tuned...

If Only it Were April Fool's

April first... a day I had been both anticipating in joy and fearing so greatly. It was time to bring in the big guns. My heart had been pounding all day... I hardly slept the night before. Suddenly it felt like the first day at a new school and I didn't know if anyone would ask me to sit with them at lunch. Then I remembered my hubby would be there... every step of the way.

Enter Fertility Associates of Memphis, at least if we were going to do this, we were going to do it with the right people. I was ready. They had my records... and I had my handy book of questions and answers. 21 questions to be exact. Mike actually laughed when I told him how many I had written down, but I did NOT want to forget anything in front of the firing squad! We walked into this office, greeted by the nicest people. That didn't stop my heart from pounding... and pounding. I was taken back for the regular doctor things, blood pressure, weight, height, etc. Then we were taking into a room... heart pounding and pounding and pounding. We tried small talk with each other, but it would not calm my nerves. Then entered Dr. Ke.

I was forewarned that he had a very dry personality... that wouldn't bother me. I wanted someone who would be straightforward with me under these circumstances. He asked many questions... personal of course. I honestly loved the way he talked to us. He was straightforward but not in an uncaring way. He was personable. He genuinely cared about our situation. He laughed with us at the good things (like my husband's excellent test results)... and gave us honest options about the bad things. When we were close to the end of the appointment I looked at my notebook and he had already answered about 19 of the questions I had written down. Suddenly, I felt completely at ease with him. I trusted him. That was a huge weight lifted... knowing I was in good hands, some of the best if you look at all his awards. After that I had 6 vials of blood drawn, was set up for one more and would have to call back to schedule the final one before our next appointment, because the last one had to be done after the start of my next cycle. I was terrified of getting that much blood drawn but the girl was so efficient and barely left a mark.

Here is the information he could give us based on everything I had done so far... minus the pending blood work. We could try IUI (intrauterine insemination) and he would try to get us up to a 15% chance of that working, but he wasn't very optimistic about it (I could really tell) 1. because of my funky shaped uterus 2. because of everything we had tried so far 3. because he suspected something more was going on chemically with my body that was causing me not to become pregnant (but wouldn't be able to confirm that without the blood results) and 4. because I have a history of OHSS (over stimulation) he said it was likely to happen again, and in that instance the procedure would simply be cancelled... and all those injections would have been for nothing. He was willing to try because it was so much easier than our one other option. IVF. In vitro fertilization. He was clear that this was our best shot. Conservatively he gave us a 50-60% success rate... and that was without my test results. The biggest thing would be to check my egg reserves but was confident based on how my body reacted to letrozole, the injections would be successful in getting us our desired amount of eggs ripe for harvesting.

I asked him straight up, "If this was you and your wife in our situation, what would you do?" Without hesitation, he said "IVF, absolutely." I knew he was right. The medical side of my brain told me he was right. The $15,000 price tag however had me shaken. We had about half that. The good news was that he didn't see any reason that I would not be able to successfully carry a child to term. He was clear however, that if I ended up pregnant with twins I would be seeing a high risk doctor just to be on the safe side. He absolutely did not want me pregnant with a higher number of multiples that that. He also said to be glad we were at the point of seeing him while we were still relatively young... even though we've been fighting this for 2 years... we felt fortunate that we weren't just getting to this point 6 or 7 years down the road.

We needed time to process.

I left feeling okay. I knew we were in the right hands... I knew that God wouldn't let us make a mistake in deciding what to do... but I had to process... and grieve. You see he also told us our chances of conceiving on our own... let's just say it was slim to none. Yet again, I knew how much of an absolute miracle our first baby was. He didn't say it was impossible... but it was awfully close. It was a lot to take in. And I had to take time to grieve the fact that it was not likely that I could. That was a hard blow as a woman, a wife and a mother.

I knew one thing for sure... it was all in God's hands and whatever God had in store for us... we were ready.

Our next appointment was scheduled for April 29th. Then we would have a definite plan.