On April Fool's Day, I saw the fertility doctor, but you know that already... I worked that morning... it being a slow morning I played on my phone a little while waiting on my patients to arrive and to curb the nervousness I was feeling about my upcoming appointment. There is an organization that I am "friends" with on Facebook called "I Am A Mother To An Angel." I love the woman who leads it, I've read her story repeatedly and so often can relate to her musings and posts. I also received one of the necklaces that she makes from my mother this past Christmas.
That morning she posted a sort of "public awareness" picture about thinking twice before you start with the joking April Fool's "I'm Pregnant!" -just kidding posts. You know these. Somehow they become all the rage on this day, because what is a bigger joke than people thinking you're knocked up, right?! Unless you're infertile. Then that would be the greatest news on earth, no joking. Here is the picture:
The very first person to comment under the picture, remarked on how "stupid" (yes her exact word was stupid) this is and went on and on about how basically we should just get over it... I wish I could quote the entire post but it was so hurtful that the owner of the page deleted it... but I do remember this. She said, you can't change the world.
It hurt so much that a fellow woman would be so cruel about this. Not only to seek out this page to be negative but to intentionally make crude and harmful comments to those followers of that page that have lost children and/or cannot conceive. As you have seen in previous posts on such Facebook photos... as an infertile woman I can personally say that we usually suffer in silence, trying to ignore the pain publically and often times it is a personal very heavy burden that is carried in private... and the tons of tears come later, when we are alone... because usually that is where we feel is the only appropriate place to release our emotions.
So maybe we can't change the world. Maybe society will always look at us like we are "less" of a person because we cannot to do the thing we feel like we were made to do... give our husbands children when it is "time" at the drop of the hat. So we often struggle in silence, keeping the eyes of the world off of us because that is where we feel safest. God forbid we make any normal people feel uncomfortable.
Side note: I would also like to say that those fertile women should NEVER feel guilty for their ability to have children. I have gotten backlash from previous posts about such Facebook photos getting to me... If you know me at ALL, you know that I would never mean to make anyone feel bad about loving their children!! Yes, there was a time when I could not look at pregnancy announcements without breaking down in tears... I pray for every pregnant woman that I see, whether I know her story or not, that she be happy and healthy and have the beautiful family that I so desire and that she never ever feel the pain that I have felt. I said in my previous post, that I KNEW that was not posted with any sort of malice, but it did not make it hurt any less. I would never ever wish for anyone to go through what we have gone through. To be completely honest, I couldn't even remember who posted that picture, but I remembered exactly what it said [see previous post on you haven't known love]. I pulled that particular photo from a google search rather than going through the tons of history on my facebook news feed to see who posted it. On that same note, I don't expect everyone I know to read my story or agree with my thoughts. This blog is to support those who are on this journey and help them to know that they are not alone... and that this struggle is not a punishment from God, rather it is an opportunity to walk WITH God and be uplifted by him through every bad day.
So back to the subject at hand. You cannot change the world. This is stupid. Get over it. I'm pretty sure Jesus was told the same thing, at least in some sense... He is living proof that one person can change the world. Now, I am NOT comparing myself or the founder of that Facebook page to Jesus or his chosen disciples, the thought of that just makes me laugh... I feel completely unequipped and unworthy of such a task as changing the world, but we are trying. When she created that page, she did not expect it to impact many people. Currently she has 21,000 followers. She's changing someone's world. She changed mine. I did not start this blog with the intention to reach people all over the world, I created it to keep friends and family informed of our journey and to offer support for those who I know are suffering and also to spread the word about how God has changed me through all of this... and as therapy for myself. But I've had thousands of views... countless e-mails and people that I would never normally have the opportunity to witness to contact me and say that I have helped them in some way or another. My story has changed someone's world, and blogging has absolutely changed my world.
I really believe that if you are working for a good cause, you are going to ruffle some feathers. Many people don't like to hear the truth. Even more hate the feeling of guilt. Even more than that hate to be called out on something that they are doing that is hurting others. If we can raise this awareness in just a few people, our battle is worth it. If with every step forward, someone speaks out against our fight... I will keep fighting, no matter how "stupid" others think it is. If one person helps another person who helps another person... is that not changing the world?
Change takes a catalyst. Be that catalyst. This person and her "why don't you just get over it already" attitude is a big part of what I feel is wrong with society. That does not just apply to infertility... that applies to everyone who is struggling with anything. Before you respond to someone, be empathetic... put yourself in their shoes. Be compassionate. If we had compassion for everyone around us, how much beautiful would this world be? Christ carried our sins to the cross so we may be saved and free. How amazing would it be to help carry each other's pain and burden to keep them from being completely broken? Would the world not change? Have there not been thousands of instances throughout history where one person spoke out, which led to hundreds of others speaking out... did the world not change from that? If no one had ever mentioned that women should have rights, would we be voting now? If no one had ever preached the Gospel... would Christ's death have been in vain?
There will always be opposition. There will always be someone who says what you are fighting for is pointless and that you will have no impact. There will always be someone who thinks your feelings are "stupid" as this person put it. On this one post alone there were countless people who made obscene comments towards women who are grieving their losses and infertility, all of which comments have been deleted to keep others from being hurt by them. They have even rallied together to "get the word out" on how awful that page is... But I can tell you this... there will ALWAYS be someone there to help you fight, to push you through, to hold it all together when you can't. That person is Jesus.
Keep fighting. Keep working for your cause. When you need help and support ask for it... you will find it. Rally together. Keep trying. You can change the world. Have faith. Do not give up.