Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween and the Bereaved Parent

Believe it or not, Halloween is a difficult time for the bereaved parent.

Seem odd?

Here's why:

Halloween is all about the kiddos. These precious little children dress up in the most adorable costumes ever seen and go door to door visiting all of the neighbors to show off just how cute they are... and are rewarded with handfuls of delicious treats... 

So what can the childless couple do?

A. We can turn of our lights and spend the evening alone together just hoping the doorbell doesn't ring... and let little kids look at our house like the Grinch's mansion.... Come on, you remember those days passing those neighbors houses who couldn't be bothered with our bags and costumes and cuteness. (The neighbors that you just might accidentally aim bottle rockets at after they reported you for shooting fireworks even though it WAS the 4th of July.)


B. We can try to put our emotions to the side, open the door... smile... ooh and ahh over the precious princess and the mini-superheroes and hand over the goods and try not to let them see the glisten in your eyes when you see a child that is just a little too close to what you envision your child, or children, looking like.

So if you happen across a young couple tonight that looks at your little goblins for a minute too long with just a little too much longing and sadness in their eyes, try not to get freaked out... remember that maybe they are home instead of trick or treating for a reason... maybe they can't dress up their little ones in adorable outfits and go show them off to all of the neighbors. Maybe you could even say a little prayer for them.

To our friends with their porch lights turned off... we understand your pain. Do not feel guilty or ashamed. Deal with your grief however you need to. Guard your heart however you see fit. Our first Halloween, a month after our first miscarriage... I stayed in the bedroom with the dogs, door shut... and my dear husband handed out candy. I just couldn't do it... and it wasn't long before he too shut off the light and locked the door.

This Halloween, our light will be on, but I can't guarantee for how long... this year might be too much for me, but I'm going to try.

Tonight (along with every other night) we are thinking about our three babies... permanently dressed as little angels... and I'm sure there are plenty of treats to go around.


Come on kiddos... we bought you the good candy this year.

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