Enough of the Hurt.. Let's Talk About The Healer

1 John 5: 14-15 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

This last week or so has been trying. I have spent SO many hours in prayer, praying for healing of our hematoma... for our little one to be okay and to grow since the growth was behind at our first official appointment. I've sang the song "The Hurt and the Healer" by mercy me about a thousand times, sometimes just in my head.

 

So here I am

What's left of me

Where Glory meets my suffering...

 

I fall into your arms open wide

When the hurt and the Healer collide

 

Just keep my  eyes completely fixed on You

Lord take hold and pull me through!

 

 

So here we are, 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant... already feeling so blessed because this is more pregnant than we ever made it to previously... Stomach already expanding due to my very small frame : ) I thought it would take me longer to get a little "bump"... nope, it's here... happily the biggest my stomach has ever been, I can't wait to see it even bigger!

 

I still have had no spotting whatsoever. This is what I've been most afraid of this past week, that the bleeding would start... and then not stop. Thankfully, that was not the case.

 

Our doctor's appointment today could not have gone any better. Before we saw the doctor we had our ultrasound... and there wiggling on the screen was a perfect little gummy-bear shaped baby. Measuring nearly normal now at 8 weeks and 3 days. That's a lot of growth in barely over a week. Exactly what we were praying to see. What's even more amazing? My subchorionic hemorrhage is nearly gone. It's tiny now, which means my body has just absorbed it... and I didn't have to pass any of the blood : ) It's still possible to have spotting now with a small bleed but not as likely. Baby's heart rate was 173... must have been all the hot sauce I ate at lunch. There our baby was... wiggling away, looking very happy and at home... shaking those little tiny arms and legs.

 

After the ultrasound we met with our RE one more time. He was thrilled with our progress... he said "man that baby is really catching up!!" to which we responded, "yeah we gave it a really stern talking to about picking up the pace." ; ) We looked so good in fact that he is cutting my esterase (estriadol) dosage in half to only once a day. We will continue the Crinone (progesterone) and the single dose of esterase for about two weeks or so... until the placenta fully takes over. He wants us to come in one more time in two weeks for another ultrasound, just to be sure we are 100%, but he already told me to make an appointment with our regular OBGYN for 2-4 weeks from now.

 

Other than a string of splitting headaches and a lot of nausea, I feel fantastic. So incredibly happy... so incredibly blessed. Healing is so amazing... physically and emotionally. I still miss my other babies, but it feels so amazing to be pregnant. I cannot thank all of you enough for your support and prayers. We are overjoyed. Please pray things continue this way!

How glorious our Healer is. All praise to the Lord!!

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Little Butterbean,

Mommy and daddy are beside ourselves with joy after such good news today. Boy how you have grown so fast!! We are so proud! Thank you so much for holding tight to me! God is so good, I cannot wait to tell you to your face how much of a miracle you are. I promise to do the best I can carrying you... it is my greatest honor. Seeing you wiggling for us on that ultrasound screen made us giggle and almost cry, though I managed to keep it together in front of the doctor. He gave us the biggest hugs before we left, I hope one day you get to meet him, he really is an excellent doctor. Mommy and daddy have had a lot of fun joking with him. He wants to see you again in two weeks and then you will see mommy's regular doctor... so keep doing well... keep growing!! Keep holding on!! We completely adore you my love! You will never know how grateful mommy is for you... I thank God for you every minute of every day... and I will for the rest of my life.

With all the love in the World,
Mommy and Daddy

Meet the Kiddos!

Hello dear friends! I'm feeling.... well, pregnant! Today I am officially 2 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I've never been so happy to have my head in the toilet this morning. I know some of you are thinking that is crazy... but when I was pregnant with our first, I had symptoms way super early, so this feeling is a very welcome feeling, yet not a surprise.

Yesterday was our implantation. We arrived at the surgery center at 9:45... the worst part was feeling like my full bladder was going to explode before I was able to empty it at precisely 11:53. We had yet another wonderful doctor doing our transfer, Dr. Kutteh. We have officially interacted with everyone now... and everyone has been wonderful. I changed into a gown when we arrived and hubs changed into scrubs so he could go into the procedure with me. Side note... he was really good looking in those scrubs.

After Dr. Kutteh came in and introduced himself and went over our case to be sure he had it all straight, he then gave us the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. Our babies.

 

 

Aren't they amazing!? I'm so in love with them. I was in love with them before I even saw them... but now that I have this picture to look at... I can't even put it into words. I held the picture against my heart throughout the entire procedure. Dr. Kutteh let us watch the whole thing on the ultrasound screen. The only hiccup was when I started bleeding after he cleaned my cervix. Thankfully the bleeding was not from my cervix or uterus but from my previous retrieval site. He said it was okay, not to worry if I saw some spotting at home... he "doctored" the area and said it looked fine. Otherwise, he said the procedure could not have gone more perfectly. The fluid I had seen in my pelvis before was gone. : ) My ovaries are still huge... but that is totally normal!

 

The procedure itself was not too uncomfortable. My legs were loosely strapped into soft stirrups and a set of forceps were used to clear the way much like a physical exam. He then cleaned my cervix with a sterile solution. The procedure was done with ultrasound guidance transabdominally (scanning from my stomach using my full bladder as a clear window to clearly visualize my uterus). A soft catheter was loaded with a transfer medium that contained our two little babies. The catheter was then inserted through my cervix into the proper position in my uterus. We could see the little bubble go through on the ultrasound and just like that... our babies were home. The catheter was then removed and my legs unstrapped and put in a more comfortable position.

 

Afterwards we were left alone for about 30 minutes, laying on the tilt table... with my full full bladder.... but all I could think about were my sweet babies, finally where they belong. Mike held my hand and we prayed... we cried... and we prayed. The doctor said sometimes the babies attach in minutes, sometimes hours... sometimes days. The best relief? Getting to go to the bathroom afterwards!!

 

We are hoping by now that those sweet little ones have burrowed in and made themselves at home. I am on strict bedrest for 48 hours. Easier said than done. It's been really hard to stay comfortable with only getting up to use the restroom. My back hurts from laying around... I'm not a big napper... but ANYTHING for my babies. I just have to be careful not to roll over onto my stomach when I sleep, which is usually my favorite sleeping position. And hydration is a MUST!

 

I am continuing my progesterone gel, Crinone, daily. The doctor also added on estriadol tablets twice daily. The lining of my uterus was still not as thick as they would have liked it to be, but the tablets (taken vaginally) should help thicken it up and make a "fluffy bed" for the babies, as the doctor put it.

 

All in all I am feeling good... I'm definitely feeling happy. My mother is here to take care of me while hubs is gone to work... and other than the nausea... I'm great. Restless... but great.

 

We did receive one down note yesterday... the majority of the rest of our embryos had stopped or slowed down in growth. The embryologist told us before the procedure that we might not have any to freeze for the future. We prayed for that also... and in true amazing form... God always comes through. I received a call this morning saying that two of our little babies had greatly improved and made it to freeze... keep the miracles coming. <3

 

I will go on July 4th to check my Beta HCG levels (pregnancy hormone) and will hear back from that the same day... until then, I was only instructed to grow those babies!!

 

GROW BABIES GROW!!!!

 

Psalm 37: 3-5 Trust in the Lord and do what is good... Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires... commit your way to the Lord, trust in HIM and He will act!!

 

Side Note: One thing I love about these doctors? Answering all our questions... they never say "if the babies stick" or "if you may be pregnant" they say "You ARE pregnant" and "WHEN the babies attach"... it just puts such a positive spin on things. And it is so comforting that their confidence is contagious. I love that about them.